Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
