Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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