The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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