Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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