I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
