i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
