This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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