When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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