update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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