tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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