Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
