I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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