1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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