You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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