I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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