Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
