I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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