o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
