Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
