At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
