I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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