Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
