called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
