Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
