i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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