I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
