Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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