I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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