so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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