I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
