I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
