did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
