All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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