Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
