It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
4 words: hood of his car
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think people are normalizing furries
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
