I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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