Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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