I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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