Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
