I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
