Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everyone says I win the strip club
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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