I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
