I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
false alarm, still single
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