how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
