quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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