Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
