What a fucking waste of an outfit
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
