i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
