i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
