can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
