You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
