We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
