by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
