He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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