When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
