Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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