The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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