I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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